The Ringtone
It was a hell of a day for me and I treated myself with a lonely treat at A1 Plaza. I liked it there. It was really quiet, no one went there and it should’ve been long closed, had it not been for the company policy to keep it running. Sitting there, I was striving to take my mind off what I heard half an hour ago. The cool breeze wasn’t helping. A passenger train passed by the railway track running aside the restaurant and took me back to my first meeting with Nysha.
I offered her my seat on the way to Bhubaneswar, though I was traveling without ticket myself. We connected instantly. Both of us loved music and me being a composer and she being a singer helped. We exchanged numbers.
That was the time I set that ring tone for her and it has stayed that way ever since. It was my favorite ring tone. I had never used it for anyone before. I was waiting for someone special. I had met that someone right then. A brown eyed girl, who winked at me from behind her glasses, each time she caught me checking her out. I was living a dream for the last four months till this day. I loved her, I never confessed it even to myself but deep within I knew I was getting addicted, as I gave up my other addiction, smoking. Love gave me a bigger high then tobacco.
We’ve met numerous times since then, mostly on dinner dates and movies, though the word date was never used. We spoke for hours on phone and had to cut our pocket money short for the outrageous prepaid costs.
He called yesterday saying he was coming to town. I loved and respected him, not just because he was my cousin but more than that he was my idol, a successful software engineer and someone who stood by me in all ups and downs in my life.
We met for lunch today. He led the chat as always.
“Bro, there’s a good news.”
“Yeah, tell me.”
“I’m getting married.”
“What? You’re kidding… ”
“No man, I’m damn serious. Well, I never believed in this arrange marriage thing but… I’m in love, with the girl mom chose. ”
“Who’s the lucky lady?”
“She’s someone you might know.”
“Who’s she?”
“Well, she’s a BCA student from town, daughter of Pankaj Joshi, the lawyer… Man, the day I first heard her voice on phone, I knew from that day, she’s the one. We’ve been talking on phone for the last three months and last week she said she was going to say yes to her dad about the proposal. She sings too, that’s why I thought you might know her… ”
I was speechless. He was talking about Nysha. I couldn’t hear any more of his words. I left saying I had a class to attend. How could she do this to me? All this time she was seeing another man. But then, she never said she loved me nor did I. We’ve never spoken about our feelings for each other. Rather, I had never taken the initiative. I should have… I blew it. I decided the best thing to do now is to forget her and never call her again.
Torn between these feelings I drank four coffees and eight cigarettes at a stretch. Then I heard that ring tone. My heart pounded, it was heavy. I checked my cell phone but no one was calling. I looked everywhere around but there was no sign of any other cell phone nearby.
But that ring tone was buzzing, buzzing hard inside my head. In a failed attempt I tried to throw the phone away but my eyes felt moist instead. I was going to cry. I couldn’t be a loser, crying like this. As I drank a cup of coffee at one go, I realized I had to speak with her. I called her and she answered.
“Hey sweetoo”
“Hi Nysha. How’s it going?”
“Great, I’ve a special news to share too. I met someone today.”
“Yeah, I think I know him.”
“Really?”
“You met Vicky right?”
“How do you know that?”
“Well, he’s my cousin.”
“Really? So you know about the marriage…”
“You never told me about him.”
“I didn’t know myself, I thought it was just a passing thing as usual but now, it’s so different, you know.”
“Yeah…”
“It’ll be great. You could compose a song for the wedding and I can sing with you, it’ll be lots of fun.”
“I don’t think I’ll be around the wedding, got some recording stuffs and my semester’s next month, so… ”
“How can you miss such an important ceremony? I was thinking of introducing you to my parents that day. ”
“Sorry yaar, I can’t come. Anyways, congratulations.”
“Thanks. Hey, why not meet for dinner tonight at 9 at the same place. I’ll introduce you to the would be bride”
“I’ve already met her.”
“When did you meet Trisha?”
“Who?”
“Trisha, my elder sis, the would be bride dumbo. When did you meet her? Did she auditioned for the spring fest? I know she’s a better singer than me but then I also have a unique style.”
“..eh”
“Are you there? Hello. I can’t hear you. ”
“…eh, yeah, I think the signal is week. I’ll call you later. bye”
Oops…! I need some time to soak this in. It was her elder sister! God, what a fool I’m.
As I started jumping in the air, I realized all the waiters were watching me. But I didn’t care. I had learnt my lesson. I went through the most painful one hour of my life, just by the thought of losing her and no, I’m not going to wait anymore. I’ll confess my love to her.
Then I heard the sweetest melody in the universe again, the ring tone. As I checked my cell phone this time, it was for real…
the ringtone...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
One from the memories... (4th)
Why do I like you...
I like all those persons who are clear about their priorities, what they want from life. I would love to be one of them but I'm not. So I like you.
You are beautiful and the ever smiling face is like cream on top of espresso. You carry yourself in the best possible way. You are one hell of a talented person, still you are so modest. So I like you.
You stand by anyone or anything you like and accept them with all their imperfections and I'm the most imperfect creation of the almighty. So I like you.
You never try to make me feel special but the very thought of calling you and be in your acquaintance makes me feel special. So I like you.
In fact I just realized that I've more reasons to like you then anyone I ever had. So basically being a software engineer, I'll rationalize and say, You are one person I would love to be in love with but I'm not yet in love with you.
But I'm working on that and hopefully soon fall in love with you and when that day comes this will be the place where I'll declare my love for you. God, Please let that day come soon...
Till then all I can say is... I like you more than I've ever liked anyone
I like you more than I like me...
I like all those persons who are clear about their priorities, what they want from life. I would love to be one of them but I'm not. So I like you.
You are beautiful and the ever smiling face is like cream on top of espresso. You carry yourself in the best possible way. You are one hell of a talented person, still you are so modest. So I like you.
You stand by anyone or anything you like and accept them with all their imperfections and I'm the most imperfect creation of the almighty. So I like you.
You never try to make me feel special but the very thought of calling you and be in your acquaintance makes me feel special. So I like you.
In fact I just realized that I've more reasons to like you then anyone I ever had. So basically being a software engineer, I'll rationalize and say, You are one person I would love to be in love with but I'm not yet in love with you.
But I'm working on that and hopefully soon fall in love with you and when that day comes this will be the place where I'll declare my love for you. God, Please let that day come soon...
Till then all I can say is... I like you more than I've ever liked anyone
I like you more than I like me...
One from the memories... (3rd)
Stop The Hatred
The cry fell towards the mountains. The victim of destiny started his journey once again. The cry was never received by any one. He is still striving in the same manner for salvation. Who was he then? Who is he now… Gandhi is not just a name from the pages of a 5th std. history book. Gandhi is the value that we refuse to rediscover within ourselves. He’s not just another piece in the puzzle of life... He’s the missing one!
When I was a kid, I never understood what they meant when they say somewhere some sort of danga or communal riot was going on. The disturbing visuals on the television were alien to me. I never understood why Tausif uncle never returned from Balasore after the 90’s riot. Which religion gives the right to take lives? Politics is the answer. What I knew was that I loved him and he was not going to come back ever. Tausif uncle’s son Shahid was my best friend. After his death his family moved to Bhubaneswar and gradually I lost touch.
After 12 years when I moved to Bhubaneswar, I met Shahid and we became close again. We were in the same tutorial. When he told me the real story behind Tausif uncle’s death, I was shocked. That day in Balasore humanity died. As a doctor Tausif uncle was visiting a friend who was down with cholera. But he never reached there; he was killed on the way in the riot. His body came back in pieces. In the biggest democracy of the world people were killing each other in the name of religion. How stupid are we people to be misleaded so easily by the so called leaders for their cheap political gain!
The biggest truth in our life is, we are Indians and everything else comes after that. Because at the end of the day its ‘we’ that matters. Shahid is as normal as me. He breaths like I do. He feels like I do. He is as keen to serve this country as I am. Our difference in religious beliefs doesn’t bind us to be enemies, to kill each other. If that’s what every religion teaches than to hell with it. We don’t want any stamp of religion to survive or serve our country. It’s high time now for the people to realize that; love and nonviolence are the weapons that will bring peace in the country not hatred. The Gandhian values have to be reestablished for the country to prosper.
That will be the final peace placed in the puzzle of life. Everything else will fall into place gradually. Independent India was founded upon the Gandhian values; without the foundation we can not build our home, our country.
The cry fell towards the mountains. The victim of destiny started his journey once again. The cry was never received by any one. He is still striving in the same manner for salvation. Who was he then? Who is he now… Gandhi is not just a name from the pages of a 5th std. history book. Gandhi is the value that we refuse to rediscover within ourselves. He’s not just another piece in the puzzle of life... He’s the missing one!
When I was a kid, I never understood what they meant when they say somewhere some sort of danga or communal riot was going on. The disturbing visuals on the television were alien to me. I never understood why Tausif uncle never returned from Balasore after the 90’s riot. Which religion gives the right to take lives? Politics is the answer. What I knew was that I loved him and he was not going to come back ever. Tausif uncle’s son Shahid was my best friend. After his death his family moved to Bhubaneswar and gradually I lost touch.
After 12 years when I moved to Bhubaneswar, I met Shahid and we became close again. We were in the same tutorial. When he told me the real story behind Tausif uncle’s death, I was shocked. That day in Balasore humanity died. As a doctor Tausif uncle was visiting a friend who was down with cholera. But he never reached there; he was killed on the way in the riot. His body came back in pieces. In the biggest democracy of the world people were killing each other in the name of religion. How stupid are we people to be misleaded so easily by the so called leaders for their cheap political gain!
The biggest truth in our life is, we are Indians and everything else comes after that. Because at the end of the day its ‘we’ that matters. Shahid is as normal as me. He breaths like I do. He feels like I do. He is as keen to serve this country as I am. Our difference in religious beliefs doesn’t bind us to be enemies, to kill each other. If that’s what every religion teaches than to hell with it. We don’t want any stamp of religion to survive or serve our country. It’s high time now for the people to realize that; love and nonviolence are the weapons that will bring peace in the country not hatred. The Gandhian values have to be reestablished for the country to prosper.
That will be the final peace placed in the puzzle of life. Everything else will fall into place gradually. Independent India was founded upon the Gandhian values; without the foundation we can not build our home, our country.
One from the memories... (2nd)
Paint It Yellow
‘Drifter’, that’s how I should be known as, who am I? I’m the youth; I’m today’s India… the new generation. I enjoy my life to the fullest. I love partying, music, action; in short I always want to have a blast with myself. Lets be serious about life… well, I can only be serious up to settling down, getting a good job and that’s it. That’s the extent of my life. My life starts with me and ends with me. Me, who am I? I’m today’s India…the new generation.
It must have been a dreamy night, I guess. And I went back time. I saw my previous self. Hell it was, ruined under foreign power. I saw their deaths. I saw them screaming, I saw them trying to run out of the invincible territory of power. I saw them surrendering themselves to the deep well of death, praying for salvation. I became a silent spectator of the ‘Jalianwalabag’.
Then I saw the little angel walking down the bloody surroundings. I saw him collect the flow of red scarlet. I saw him rise to the persona. I saw him quit his family, his religion and everything I call life. His life was his country, our country…I saw him doing the unimaginable. What was it about him that made him have no fear? I guess sometimes a person can be pushed so far that nothing stops him from doing the right thing, because sometimes that’s hardest thing to do. Then I saw him going for that long last walk; I can never forget those eyes… clear, defined, never wavering; expressing a strange joy inside. I always believed that there are two kinds of men in this world; men who go to their deaths screaming, men who go to their deaths in silence, and then I met a third kind…
It was 15th August 2004. I was sitting on the lawns of ‘Ekaamra Haat’, a handy place for lovebirds in Bhubaneswar. It was around evening and the cool breeze took me back to those thoughts on Bhagat Singh. There was a plastic flag, sporting the tricolour lying near the entrance. Some couples entered preoccupied with their romance and stepping on the flag, though it was clearly visible to them. Something was hurting inside me, urging me to go and give the flag the respect it deserved.
Then I saw the little angel again. I recognized him as the boy who irritates you till you don’t give him something, always stationed near ‘Big Bazaar’ which is at a walking distance from ‘Ekaamra’. He came running, stopped near the flag. His face beamed, he picked it up and went outside dancing on his feet. That was an emotionally draining moment for me. Don’t know, from where two drops rolled out of my eyes and the pain was gone. I felt that Bhagat Singh is still alive within us, only we need to rediscover him. Our blood will show its true colour. We will rise… to be the third kind.
‘We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. ’
(Inspired by the hindi movie Rang De Basanti)
‘Drifter’, that’s how I should be known as, who am I? I’m the youth; I’m today’s India… the new generation. I enjoy my life to the fullest. I love partying, music, action; in short I always want to have a blast with myself. Lets be serious about life… well, I can only be serious up to settling down, getting a good job and that’s it. That’s the extent of my life. My life starts with me and ends with me. Me, who am I? I’m today’s India…the new generation.
It must have been a dreamy night, I guess. And I went back time. I saw my previous self. Hell it was, ruined under foreign power. I saw their deaths. I saw them screaming, I saw them trying to run out of the invincible territory of power. I saw them surrendering themselves to the deep well of death, praying for salvation. I became a silent spectator of the ‘Jalianwalabag’.
Then I saw the little angel walking down the bloody surroundings. I saw him collect the flow of red scarlet. I saw him rise to the persona. I saw him quit his family, his religion and everything I call life. His life was his country, our country…I saw him doing the unimaginable. What was it about him that made him have no fear? I guess sometimes a person can be pushed so far that nothing stops him from doing the right thing, because sometimes that’s hardest thing to do. Then I saw him going for that long last walk; I can never forget those eyes… clear, defined, never wavering; expressing a strange joy inside. I always believed that there are two kinds of men in this world; men who go to their deaths screaming, men who go to their deaths in silence, and then I met a third kind…
It was 15th August 2004. I was sitting on the lawns of ‘Ekaamra Haat’, a handy place for lovebirds in Bhubaneswar. It was around evening and the cool breeze took me back to those thoughts on Bhagat Singh. There was a plastic flag, sporting the tricolour lying near the entrance. Some couples entered preoccupied with their romance and stepping on the flag, though it was clearly visible to them. Something was hurting inside me, urging me to go and give the flag the respect it deserved.
Then I saw the little angel again. I recognized him as the boy who irritates you till you don’t give him something, always stationed near ‘Big Bazaar’ which is at a walking distance from ‘Ekaamra’. He came running, stopped near the flag. His face beamed, he picked it up and went outside dancing on his feet. That was an emotionally draining moment for me. Don’t know, from where two drops rolled out of my eyes and the pain was gone. I felt that Bhagat Singh is still alive within us, only we need to rediscover him. Our blood will show its true colour. We will rise… to be the third kind.
‘We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. ’
(Inspired by the hindi movie Rang De Basanti)
One from the memories... (1st)
Life's Beautiful
Sometimes in life we need to see things through others’ eyes to see what we need to see, to get the ‘Be happy attitude’, and enjoy life the way it is.
I entered the 4th grade and I was forced to move into my own room. I hated to be alone, to sleep alone in the dark. It was scary. Within weeks I grew really jealous of my younger bro. He was still with mama and pa in their room. He got all their attention. I was ignored; at least that’s what I felt. I missed mama’s assuring hand while I was asleep. I had to do everything by myself, preparing my schoolbag, dressing up and stuffs like that. I became bitter.
I started picking up fights with my bro. I started beating him up always. My little puppy (my bro) became my biggest envy. Then one day mama slapped me for beating junior and I lost it. I hated the world around, I hated my life. I had seen in movies how people committed suicide by eating rat-poison or by hanging themselves and I decided to do the same. Be brave and end this life which had no room for even slightest attention of others. But before that I had to finish some pending work, I completed my assignments, I tidied up my room and went up to my pal Dugu's home to return his notes. That visit to Dugu’s place was an eye opener.
There I saw the other side of life. Dugu had a mentally challenged elder brother. Everyone had to look after his brother. Dugu did all his work himself and he also had to help his mama with his bro. It was tough. His bro was always cuddled up in his ma’s lap and never did Dugu get any special treatment like his bro. I thought I found a company in my suicide mission. Then I saw, Dugu going up to his sleeping bro. He kissed his cheeks and said, “I love you Kaku, Goodnight”. Dugu looked happy and content.
I realized that I had everything I needed and yet I wasn’t happy, you know why? Because I never saw the beauty of life.
I canceled my suicide mission and returned home. That night before going to bed, I went up to junior, he was already asleep. I bent over his face, kissed his cheek tenderly and said, “Goodnight junior”. He went, “Go Away”. I saw, mama smiling at me. See, that’s life. Isn’t it beautiful?
life's BEAutiful...
Sometimes in life we need to see things through others’ eyes to see what we need to see, to get the ‘Be happy attitude’, and enjoy life the way it is.
I entered the 4th grade and I was forced to move into my own room. I hated to be alone, to sleep alone in the dark. It was scary. Within weeks I grew really jealous of my younger bro. He was still with mama and pa in their room. He got all their attention. I was ignored; at least that’s what I felt. I missed mama’s assuring hand while I was asleep. I had to do everything by myself, preparing my schoolbag, dressing up and stuffs like that. I became bitter.
I started picking up fights with my bro. I started beating him up always. My little puppy (my bro) became my biggest envy. Then one day mama slapped me for beating junior and I lost it. I hated the world around, I hated my life. I had seen in movies how people committed suicide by eating rat-poison or by hanging themselves and I decided to do the same. Be brave and end this life which had no room for even slightest attention of others. But before that I had to finish some pending work, I completed my assignments, I tidied up my room and went up to my pal Dugu's home to return his notes. That visit to Dugu’s place was an eye opener.
There I saw the other side of life. Dugu had a mentally challenged elder brother. Everyone had to look after his brother. Dugu did all his work himself and he also had to help his mama with his bro. It was tough. His bro was always cuddled up in his ma’s lap and never did Dugu get any special treatment like his bro. I thought I found a company in my suicide mission. Then I saw, Dugu going up to his sleeping bro. He kissed his cheeks and said, “I love you Kaku, Goodnight”. Dugu looked happy and content.
I realized that I had everything I needed and yet I wasn’t happy, you know why? Because I never saw the beauty of life.
I canceled my suicide mission and returned home. That night before going to bed, I went up to junior, he was already asleep. I bent over his face, kissed his cheek tenderly and said, “Goodnight junior”. He went, “Go Away”. I saw, mama smiling at me. See, that’s life. Isn’t it beautiful?
life's BEAutiful...
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